For a long time, I thought relationships were just about chemistry and compatibility. However, over the years and honestly, through a lot of trial and error I’ve learned that what really makes or breaks a relationship is something deeper: emotional safety.
Emotional safety is what allows people to show up as their true selves, to be vulnerable, and to trust that they won’t be shamed, judged, invalidated or manipulated.
When I feel emotionally safe, I can exhale. I can be myself without overthinking, without bracing for criticism, without worrying that I’ll be punished for being honest. But when I don’t feel safe? I shut down. I hide pieces of myself. I shrink. I withdrawal. I give up.
As I continue my self-healing journey, I’m learning what emotional safety means to me—the ways I’d like to receive it and the ways I hope to provide it to my future life partner.
Here are a few practices one can consider when build emotional safety:
It was almost midnight, and I found myself lying in bed, debating whether I should cancel my therapy appointment—again. I hadn’t done my therapy homework, and shame was creeping in. Part of me wondered: “Maybe I’m not ready for therapy. Maybe I should just quit.”
That thought wasn’t new. I have a habit of giving up when things get hard. It’s a pattern I know well: when the weight of expectations gets heavy, I look for an exit. Ironically, this very tendency is the reason I went back to therapy in the first place.
Not too long ago, I was scrolling through a relationship forum when I saw someone post: “Women don’t really want nice guys.” I had to laugh, because I’ve heard that line so many times. The older I get, the more I realize how damaging that mindset actually is, both for men and for the women who end up dating them. Here’s the thing: being nice is important. It matters, but it’s not enough to keep a relationship healthy or fulfilling.
I’ve dated men who were very “nice” on paper—they opened doors, sent good morning texts, remembered birthdays, but when it came down to the deeper stuff, like being vulnerable, communicating their feelings, or showing up emotionally… they weren’t there.
If I had to choose the positive emotion that shows up most often in my life, it would be gratitude. It may not always be loud or dramatic, but it has a steady presence, like a quiet hum.
Gratitude greets me in the morning when I realize I have another chance to grow, to try, to simply exist. It sits with me while I sip my morning tea. It arrives in a smile from a stranger or in a burst of laughter with someone I love. Even in hard seasons, gratitude manages to slip through the cracks—through a kind word, the comfort of a soft blanket, or the reminder that pain and joy can live side by side.
What makes gratitude so powerful is the way it transforms how I see everything else. It doesn’t mean life is perfect. It doesn’t erase frustration, sadness, or stress, but softens them, reframes them, and reminds me of the bigger picture. Gratitude teaches me that the ordinary moments are often the most beautiful, if I pause long enough to notice them. For me, gratitude is what keeps me grounded, hopeful, and open to joy.
I think of gratitude as a kind of superpower. Not the “fake it till you make it” kind of positivity, but the genuine realization of blessings and the ability to savor them. When I truly take stock of what I’ve been given—relationships, opportunities, the beauty in small things—it makes me thankful. Gratitude itself creates happiness, because the act of appreciating what I have is joy.
That’s the gift of gratitude: it transforms perspective and in that shift, it brings fulfillment.
Relocating for a job can be exciting, intimidating, and full of unexpected lessons. Whether it’s your first move or your third, it’s easy to focus solely on the paycheck and forget how important lifestyle factors are in shaping your overall well-being. As someone who has moved across the country more than once, I’ve learned that salary alone isn’t enough to guarantee happiness or fulfillment. When relocating here are some essential things to consider before packing your bags.
There’s something uniquely empowering about going out alone. Whether it’s grabbing dinner, attending a party, or showing up to a concert solo, it takes a level of confidence and self-assurance that many people don’t often tap into. But once you do, you’ll likely find that solo outings offer a kind of freedom and personal satisfaction that can’t be matched. As someone who’s attended many events alone— whether comedy clubs or local concerts—I’ve discovered that some of my most memorable experiences happened when I wasn’t worried about coordinating with others. Going out alone removes the invisible weight of having to consider someone else’s feelings or timeline. You arrive when you want, you leave when you’re ready, and there’s no need to negotiate plans. That kind of autonomy is rare…and refreshing.
“Women are bitter,” a man casually muttered at a social gathering, oblivious to the weight of his words. It’s a sentiment many women have heard too often, casually dismissed as emotionless critique. But the truth is not that women are bitter—we are exhausted. We are tired of navigating a society structured by patriarchy and poisoned by misogyny, where being a woman means constantly fighting to be seen as fully human.
Patriarchy and misogyny are not abstract academic ideas. They manifest in the way society treats women: in casual conversations, media portrayals, legal systems, and violent outcomes. The core issue isn’t bitterness. It’s survival.
“Reducing health disparities in underserved communities, is the driving force behind my desire in becoming a physician assistant.”
Those were the opening words of my personal statement when I applied to PA school. They captured a passion I had carried for years and were reflected in both my employment and my community service.
Now that I am a practicing provider, I see the complexity of achieving that vision within a healthcare system that is, at its core, profit-driven. Increasing access and delivering quality care are often treated as secondary goals when profit margins are at stake. This reality has forced me to reconcile the difference between the ideals that drew me into medicine and the system I must work within.
What a year 2023 has been. As I sit here and reflect on all that has happened over the past year, I give gratitude to the highest for giving me the strength to make it through. 2023 was not an easy year and came with many challenges, but above all I am thankful for the growth. This year has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone. It has brought a deep sense of humility. It has reinforced I can not control all aspects of my life because my timing may not align with Gods timing. We are never too old to challenge ourselves and learn from our experiences because growth is constant, and I find that to be a beautiful thing. I am thankful to have made it through 2023 and I am looking forward to the growth in 2024.
This year my top new year resolutions are
Forming community and nurturing my relationships Committing to heathy eating and my fitness journey
Remember, it’s never too late start a new goal and stay encouraged as you work toward achieving your goals for 2024.
Hello beautiful peopleeeeee!!! Let me catch you up on life, because sis has been through it. So much has happened—moving to a new state, starting a new job, quitting that job just five weeks later, failing my board exam, and eventually passing it. Yes, I said I failed my board exam and talk about a hit to my ego. I felt disappointed in myself and carried a lot of shame around failing. In those moments, I even questioned my competency as a physician assistant. Surprising I had not shared this openly—until now. However, I had to be honest with myself and accept that I hadn’t studied as much as I should have.
Frankly, after graduating from PA school, I was exhausted and just wanted to spend time socializing with family and friends. Sis was in these STREETS! I’m talking about US and internationally lol. I underestimated the exam and failing was a wakeup call. I since have passed and am now a certified PA-C! I’ll be starting a new job next year, which I’m really excited about. I feel this position will be a better fit for my personality and provide the work-life balance I desire.
If I were to offer any advice to those on this PA journey, especially those in their clinical year preparing to graduate—it would be….
Hello beautiful people. I am officially done with PA school. I graduated this past weekend. I awoke this morning still in disbelief I am officially a Physician Associate. This 11 year journey has come to an end.
I started this journey in 2012. For the longest throughout undergrad I was conflicted between pursing MD vs PA and when I decided on PA postgrad I put my all in. I retook undergrad classes I didn’t do well in to improve my GPA. I began taking the prerequisite classes for PA school at a local community college. I worked jobs where I was over qualified and underpaid to gain the required healthcare hours. At one point I was working two jobs, a side hustle and taking classes. Back then there wasn’t much standardization amongst PA programs so each year it felt schools were adding new requirements.
I first applied to PA school in 2018. I received one interview invite, but sadly the interview was cancelled because the school did not receive accreditation. I applied again in 2019, not a single interview. I remember reaching out to a mentor for advice and was told I should focus on building my career in public health, to “go get a PhD” instead. Although this mentor was trying to help I hung up that phone call and cried.
When I applied to PA school in 2020 I felt it in my spirit I was going to get in. Shadowing hours ✔️ GPA requirement ✔️ Healthcare hours ✔️ Community service ✔️ Volunteer hours ✔️ Publications ✔️ Research experience ✔️
I kept faith and knew I had did the work. I prayed and knew at that point it was up to God. I applied to 12 schools, 5 schools invited me to interview, 2 schools I interviewed at. Both schools sent an acceptance letter, one school I accepted.
My grandfather use to say “if there’s a will there’s a way” or as I like to say “if a will you have, a way you will find.” As I reflect on how far I’ve come I hope as a reader you feel inspired. Follow your passion, chase your dreams. Strive to persevere and learn. Grow from your challenges and take those lessons with you throughout life. It’s hard for people to see your vision because it is not their vision to see. To my fellow prePAs I understand the journey can be daunting, but do not give up.
Next stop passing my certification exam followed by starting my full time position, but first vacation! Lol. Slide show pending.
In recent years there has been talk of the Chinese government using TikTok to spy on American citizens. When I first learned of this it further justified my reason to not partake in the social media platform. However, as more information is being released and with the recent congressional hearing between the CEO of TikTok, Shou Zi Chew, and US congress March 23, 20231 I have become less convinced this is an issue of protecting the youth and national security. During Chews opening statement he expresses how TikTok is owned by ByteDance, a private company. He expresses 60% of the company is owned by global investors, 20% owned by global employees, and 20% owned by the founder. Additionally, 3 out of the 5 board members are Americans. Interestingly, as I continued to watch clips of the hearing it became apparent that members of congress had preconceived notions of the use of TikTok and frankly it was cringing to watch congress make extreme accusations.
As I laid in bed I thought of my day. I was excited today was going to be a beautiful sunny day. My phone read 8:20am. I looked at the weather forecast which read “high of 65 degrees”. Not to hot not to cool, just the perfect temperature. The sun does something to my spirit, it ignites my soul. I figured I’d hit up a local park, lay out and study. I told myself “today will be a productive day”. Yet, I found myself struggling to get out of bed. One hour turned into three and than four. In and out of sleep I found myself drifting. “Did I take my medicine” I woke up from a slumber or was that just a dream. I looked at my phone, 12:10pm it read. Instant panic overcame me as I thought of being behind in my studies. I immediately got up out of bed.
I began my morning self-care routine, made breakfast, ate, washed the dishes and thought to myself “job well done”. Surely, I deserve a nap. “I’m just going to lay down for a bit” I lied to myself. Back into a slumber I fell. I’m not proud of it, but I spent my day off in and out of bed. I studied max about four hours, if that.
With three months left of PA school I find myself struggling to stay motivated. As I experience more days like this, I’m not sure if I’m depressed or just burnt out. I did feel quite sad today. I think it’s a combination of, once again, being in a foreign town with a population of less than 3,000 and the persistent lack of autonomy over my life. At times I feel like I’m suffocating in PA school. As I write this, just thinking about it I feel like I can’t breathe. I so desperately miss having freedom to do as I chose.
You hear of the rigorous course load and sleepless nights, but no one talks about the loss of freedom. How your months are planned out—class, clinicals, exams, research day, skills, guest lecture, etc., etc., etc. For some this is just the natural course of graduate school. For others, such as myself, this structure brings a sense of entrapment. I so desperately miss living a life of going and coming as I chose. Booking a flight and taking a trip when I wanted. Taking days off from work as needed. There is not PTO time in PA school, we don’t get days off while on clinical rotations. As I write this I wonder, “is this what life is like as a mother”. Never being able to do what you chose. Is this a selfish thought of me to have? Questions that I don’t have the answers to. I just know I hate feeling confined in any aspect of my life, it brings me much anxiety. A sense of impending doom they call it.
It doesn’t help being in these small towns that very much so trigger a feeling of loneliness. Not seeing people that look like me feels isolating, being away from my support system. Yet, I can’t do anything about it. One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou
“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude”
I love this quote because it encompasses my life. I’m a believer in changing my environment if I’m unhappy. This is the reason I never stayed at jobs that made me miserable, spent years and years in unhappy relationships, living situations, etc. My mom once told me “I admire that about you Julia, you’re never afraid to leave.” She’s right. Don’t get me wrong, I have had a job I had to stay at longer than I would have liked or been in that toxic relationship I should have left months ago, but by no means are these the rule. They very much so are the exception. It’s a blessing and a curse. This is precisely why I decided on the PA profession because it provides you with the freedom to work in any specialty, in any state and even in other countries. Ironically, to bask in this freedom you must give up your freedom for a couple of years while in PA school.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post. I just needed to get my thoughts out. Since I can’t change my environment I guess I need to work on changing my attitude.
Today was not a productive day, but tomorrow will be better.
A photo from NYE two years ago to remind myself this journey is only temporary.
For the past two years, since moving out of state for PA school, I have been off and on online dating. Like many, I find it hard to meet men in real life especially with the demand of PA school so figured I give it a go. Two years later and I’m calling it quits lol. I’m not sure if it’s the apps I’m using, but I have noticed a pattern with the men I meet online and that being the utter lack of taking interest in getting to know me. Now some may argue, “this is hook up culture and he’s probably just interested in hooking up” and to that I would say, yes, I agree this could be a possibility. However, these are men that I make it clear from the jump I do not partake in hook up culture and date with intentions of finding my life partner. “He’s just not that interested”, this very well could also be a possibility. Interestingly, a couple of the men I tried to end things with expressed wanting to fight for it with the last man expressing “[he] didn’t want to give up on me”.
I recognize I tend to quickly end potential relationships if I notice BS behavior in early stages of the connection, so with both of these men I was open to giving it another chance. However, I was reminded why I don’t give multiple chances early on in the dating phase. That being, if there are issues that early on in the aka “honeymoon phase” than likely those issues are foreshadowing how the relationship will be. Additionally, somethings are just non-negotiable, such as inconsistency or the man just wanting to text. Men that express also wanting to date with intentions I’m finding only want to talk about themselves with apparent actions showing they are uninterested in getting to know me. I’ve also encountered the man that is giving “emotionally unavailable” and “avoidant attachment” or worse the man with narcissistic traits. I don’t want to become jaded, but it gets harder the longer I’m on online dating. I question, “are these behaviors a reflection of modern society or is this limited to the pool of men online”.
Today was one of those days where I was missing my grandpa. When you lose a loved one the grief never fully goes away, but as time passes some days are better than others. Today I was missing him very much and felt quite sad.
My grandfather was such a great person and touched the lives of many. Growing up I remember knowing I always had the support of my grandfather. Whether it was my 8th grade graduation, student of the month, spring choir, or teacher’s award my grandpa always, always made it. I remember looking into a crowd and seeing my grandpa even if no one else came he always managed to make it. I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my father given he was very inconsistent in his presence, but as I got other it didn’t bother me much because I viewed my grandfather as my father. He was the one person, no matter what the situation was, I could depend on.
When I moved to live with my grandparents I was behind in reading and math. Every day after school my grandfather would sit with me at the dining room table and patiently would go over my math homework with me. He bought additional math workbooks and taught me math. My grades significantly increased the following semester. I will never forget this. This is love.
My grandfather wasn’t afraid to use the word love. He always told me he loved me, he always told his loved ones he loved them and this showed through his actions. Whenever I would ride with him somewhere he often would tell me the struggle he went through to finish medical school as a Jamaican immigrant. Even though I heard the story many times, I would still act enthusiastic when hearing it because I knew he enjoyed telling it. He valued education because of his struggle. “First attend to your studies” he would say. I would have to be the one to tell him school is not more important than him. I will always love my grandpa because of the unconditional love he showed me. I am thankful for the values he instilled in me, integrity, dependability, humility, perseverance, and love. He will always be special to me and although he is no longer with me in life, I will forever cherish the memories he has left me. I love you always and forever grandpa!❤️❤️🕊️ RIH
Hello 2023! What a time to be alive. This year is a big year for me given I will be graduating PA school. I’m still in aww when I think about it because it has been quite the long journey. While cleaning out my wallet I stumbled across this list I made in 2020 of my goals. For the longest I had this list tapped on my refrigerator so I could see it every day and be reminded of the progress I was making. It was a way to hold myself accountable. It’s crazy to think there was a time where I so badly wanted to get into PA school, and I did! Similarly, I remember the financial burden of a monthly car payment and having the goal of quickly paying it off. I am proud of myself for staying consistent in achieving these goals and with the new year it only makes sense to make new goal list. I’m still working on my list, but figure I share them here because this will force me to see them regularly to stay motivated. Some of my goals for the next 5 years include:
Paying of my braces by the end of 2023
Get straight As Spring Semester 2023
Graduate PA school with GPA ≥ 3.5
Graduate PA school and pass the PANCE!!!
Securing employment 3 months post grad
Apply for loan repayment
Starting my weight gain journey—My goal is to gain 15lbs
Purchase a condo/tiny home by end of 2024
Learn how to play an instrument
Being more intentional with dating/finding my person
Start developing business idea in 2024—Still not sure which idea I would like to explore, but I do want to start tapping into developing residual income
Start vlogging by 2024—As much as I love writing, I would also love to tap into vlogging as a different way of expressing myself and sharing my thoughts.
Anyway, I hope all are doing well. What are some of your goals for the new year? I challenge you to write down your goals. Whether they be for 2023, 5-year, 10-year, etc. Write them down so you can stay encouraged!
Rupi Kaur is an Indian-born Canadian poet who captured much attention with her first book titled “Milk and Honey” which was released November 2014. I remember friends mentioning the book to me, but I sadly did not have much time for leisure reading at the time. Anyway, fast forward three years later and lo and behold while frivolously scrolling through kindle on a beautify fall day I stumble across Rupi’s recent release titled “The Sun and Her Flowers”. The book was featured in the free download section, so I decided to give it a read. The Sun and Here Flowers is about Rupi’s journey and growth in finding love within herself. Her journey is divided into 5 chapters titled: wilting, falling, rooting, rising and blooming.
If you had asked me five years ago if abortion rights would eventually become unconstitutional, I would have answered with a strong “No”. I attended the Woman’s March on Washington six years ago and although the overall premises of the march was to advocate for policies ensuring women’s rights remained, the thought of women losing access to abortion still seemed unimaginable. Yet, six years later here we are.
When I first heard the SCOTUS had overturned Roe vs Wade, I felt a sense of hopelessness. This later turned into sadness and then anger. “How dare someone else feel they have the right to tell ME or any other woman what she must do with HER body” “Who do these WHITE men think they are.” As I sat on my bed processing my emotions I wondered if my grandmother, and the many women before her, felt similar emotions living during a pre-Roe era. A feeling of being seen, but not heard. A feeling of knowing you do not have autonomy over your body. Deciding whether or not to risk your life and birth a child was not your choice, but the choice of others and this feels me with much sadness, but above all disappointment.
Hello beautiful people! I’m semi-back from under the rock I’ve been hiding and it feels good to be back in the world lol. This past week I officially finished my didactic year of PA school!!! As I write this blogpost, I have a huge grin across my face. It feels me with such joy to know I am officially done and will now be off to seeing patients. PA school, by far, has been one of the hardest things I have done in my life. The late nights, deprived sleep, imposter syndrome and constant stress, are a few of the challenges that come with this journey. However, despite the challenge I am thankful to be here because I worked so hard to get here. I remember nights praying for this, praying for an interview, an opportunity, an acceptance, and here I am. Thank you God!!!
For those on this journey do not give up. Keep faith and continue putting in the work, you will be rewarded. Okay enough of my soapbox lol.
Anyway I wanted to share a few of my memories. #survivingandthriving #blessed
This past weekend I went ziplining! It was somewhat spur of the moment. A friend mentioned they were going for their birthday, and I decided to tag along. I’m glad I did because I had a lot of fun and talk about a great way to start my summer vacation. I got to meet some cool people and see the beautiful view of the forest. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I am constantly worrying about the future or stressing over past mishaps. However, I am learning to live in the present moment. This experience reminded me of this. Anyway, I’m glad I got to cross something off my bucket list and can’t wait for my next adventure!
The Physician Assistant Higher Education Modernization Act of 2021 (HR 2274) was introduced to the House of Representatives on March 29, 2021, by California’s 37th district representative, Karen Bass. The bill aims to amend the Higher Education Act of 1965 to expand education opportunities for physician assistant students and physician assistants. Some advantages of HR 2274 include (1.) increasing Subsidized Stafford Loan (SSL) limits and loan forgiveness programs (2.) increasing grants awarded to historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs) and Hispanic programs (3.) increasing enrollment of minorities and students from rural areas in PA programs and postbaccalaureate PA programs.
Over the years the cost of higher education has increased while salaries have remained stagnant. Millions of Americans have student debt and the number continues to rise with minorities and women being disproportionally affected1. Tuition for PA programs continue to increase with tuitions ranging between $30,000 to over 120,000. Many PA students fund their education with student loans, specifically federal aid. Currently graduate students can apply for the Unsubsidized Stafford Loan (USL) which caps at $65,0002 which is less than what most PA programs cost. If a student needs additional aid, they can apply for the GradPlus Loan which is a federal loan that requires a passed credit check. To my knowledge this is a common route students take, but for students who do not qualify private loans are the next option. Thus, increasing the SSL limits would allow students to receive loans with no or lower interest rates and forgo high interest rates that come with private loans. Furthermore, expansion of loan forgiveness programs will grant more students the ability to take advantage of these programs and minimize their education debt.
Braids, curls, straight why are you all in my space All in my space when you haven’t even asked me my name All in my space, I pull away confusion clouds your face Curiosity you claim, I see Given my 3C texture isn’t seen often in mainstream Objectification of our bodies throughout history Beginning with the enslavement of my African ancestries Are what fuels your entitlement mentality “it’s just hair” you utter disregarding my request But permission you were not granted Now I am asking you politely Next time I might not take your action so lightly And you can save all that “angry black woman” bullshit perpetuated by society Please DON’T touch my hair!
