Done with Online Dating

For the past two years, since moving out of state for PA school, I have been off and on online dating. Like many, I find it hard to meet men in real life especially with the demand of PA school so figured I give it a go. Two years later and I’m calling it quits lol. I’m not sure if it’s the apps I’m using, but I have noticed a pattern with the men I meet online and that being the utter lack of taking interest in getting to know me. Now some may argue, “this is hook up culture and he’s probably just interested in hooking up” and to that I would say, yes, I agree this could be a possibility. However, these are men that I make it clear from the jump I do not partake in hook up culture and date with intentions of finding my life partner. “He’s just not that interested”, this very well could also be a possibility. Interestingly, a couple of the men I tried to end things with expressed wanting to fight for it with the last man expressing “[he] didn’t want to give up on me”.

I recognize I tend to quickly end potential relationships if I notice BS behavior in early stages of the connection, so with both of these men I was open to giving it another chance. However, I was reminded why I don’t give multiple chances early on in the dating phase. That being, if there are issues that early on in the aka “honeymoon phase” than likely those issues are foreshadowing how the relationship will be. Additionally, somethings are just non-negotiable, such as inconsistency or the man just wanting to text. Men that express also wanting to date with intentions I’m finding only want to talk about themselves with apparent actions showing they are uninterested in getting to know me. I’ve also encountered the man that is giving “emotionally unavailable” and “avoidant attachment” or worse the man with narcissistic traits. I don’t want to become jaded, but it gets harder the longer I’m on online dating. I question, “are these behaviors a reflection of modern society or is this limited to the pool of men online”.

For instance, I came across a man’s page…age: 38, height: 6’7, occupation: model. Guess what his Hinge voice prompt question was, “Do you agree or disagree I’m one of the most handsome men you\’ve seen”…What??? Eye roll, he models for a living, surely he knows he\’s attractive… or the man who texted me “hopefully you don’t burn the bridge with us to where we can actually meet and date” after I confronted HIM about flaking on ME. What???

If anything, online dating is teaching me to speak up and call bullshit when I see it. It\’s teaching me to let my boundaries be known and confronting men if they are crossed. It\’s teaching me to lean into my intuition because some men will say anything to get what they want. Okay, at this point I’m clearly venting haha, but the vanity and lack of transparency I’m coming across is absolutely mind boggling and for these reasons I’m throwing in the online dating towel.

No relationship is easy, but I realize with the right person there won’t be confusion in dating. Actions will align with words. Instead of adding stress to your life, the right person brings peace. I’ve experienced a relationship like this, where more time is spent laughing and having fun with each other than the stress. When issues ocurr you both talk about it instead of one person doing the emotional labor and the other avoiding. The right person holds you accountable and inspires you to be a better version of yourself and vice versa.

If the relationship does not bring this, I don’t want it. As a person who considered herself a helpless romantic, I have to say sis is tapping out in the dating department for now. I know I know “being intentional in dating” was one of my goals for 2023, well I’m redefining “intentional” to mean I am open to receive what is meant for me. I’m focusing on the things in life that bring me joy, such as spending time family and friends, hobbies, career goals and continuous self-improvement.

Stay blessed. Remember, you are loved ❤️