Rupi Kaur is an Indian-born Canadian poet who captured much attention with her first book titled “Milk and Honey” which was released November 2014. I remember friends mentioning the book to me, but I sadly did not have much time for leisure reading at the time. Anyway, fast forward three years later and lo and behold while frivolously scrolling through kindle on a beautify fall day I stumble across Rupi’s recent release titled “The Sun and Her Flowers”. The book was featured in the free download section, so I decided to give it a read. The Sun and Here Flowers is about Rupi’s journey and growth in finding love within herself. Her journey is divided into 5 chapters titled: wilting, falling, rooting, rising and blooming.
As I began to read the first couple of pages, I was instantly captivated by Rupi words. The first chapter, wilting, details her hardship with heartbreak over a lover who abruptly leaves her. This is one of my favorite chapters because Rupi is raw in expressing her emotions. As the reader you can feel the depth in her vulnerability. Revealing to others that a romantic relationship has ended is never easy because you expose yourself to possible criticism. The infamous question “what went wrong” plagues the thoughts of others. Add an additional layer where your lover suddenly walked out on you, now you’re in a whirlwind of questions and judgment.
This poem is one of my favorite pieces from the book. Short, yet conveys such a relatable message. As someone who rarely remains “friends” with ex’s I could relate to this. Sometimes what the heart wants isn’t the best for us and remaining friends complicates things. I like to cut ties and move on. Friendship requires effort to continuously cultivate the relationship. I rarely, if ever, have the desire to put forth this effort 2, 3…5+ years after the breakup. Additionally, I\’m not a person that likes surface level relationships. People I consider close friends know me on a deeper level, similar to romantic partners. When the relationship ends, I find it hard to maintain that deep connection with an ex. Usually the conversations revolve around mundane small talk (\”how\’s your day\”….\”wyd”) and I HATE small talk. Thus, I\’m further less motivated to remain friends. I\’ve never found out some wonderful news and thought \”let me call my ex\” to share the news. Because, why? Of course I have moments where ex\’s cross my mind, things in life remind me of them and I\’ll enjoy the nostalgia for what it is. A beautiful memory.
Personally, I believe people who remain in regular contact with their exs struggle with letting the relationship go. I suspect they are keeping the connection open for possible future hookups or a relationship. When I end a relationship I like to reflect on my mistakes, heal, and move on so I can then give my focus to any new potential partner. Don’t get me wrong, I’m friendly if we cross paths with an ex and I wish them all well (even the not so great ones). I guess I’ve just never seen the point in being friends.
Interestingly, as I’m getting older I am trying to have less dichotomous thinking. I\’m trying to be more open to possibilities of gray areas in life, and friendships with ex\’s can be very grey lol.
Yet, at times I wonder…who am I kidding, I have enough friends.
Stay blessed. Remember, you are loved ❤️