What a year 2023 has been. As I sit here and reflect on all that has happened over the past year, I give gratitude to the highest for giving me the strength to make it through. 2023 was not an easy year and came with many challenges, but above all I am thankful for the growth. This year has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone. It has brought a deep sense of humility. It has reinforced I can not control all aspects of my life because my timing may not align with Gods timing. We are never too old to challenge ourselves and learn from our experiences because growth is constant, and I find that to be a beautiful thing. I am thankful to have made it through 2023 and I am looking forward to the growth in 2024.
This year my top new year resolutions are
-Forming community and nurturing my relationships
-Committing to heathy eating and my fitness journey
Remember, it’s never too late start a new goal and stay encouraged as you work toward achieving your goals for 2024. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What strategies do you use to maintain your mental health when feeling down?
I like to set daily small goals such as “text X back” or “clean out closet” and when I do them I make sure to praise myself. As I get through my daily goals my confidence and mood improve. I also like to remind myself of the good things happening in my life whether that be via me writing them down or saying them out loud to myself. This helps remind me of the progress I’m making in life and not get so hung up on the set backs. Additionally, when I get into a spiral I’ll give myself a day to exist in my feelings. This looks like me secluding myself, laying in bed all day, ignoring phone calls/text messages, binge eating/watching a show and just sitting in my feelings. At the end of the day I like to reflect on how I’m doing and usually I’m feeling a bit better. It’s similar to how you might feel better after a crying spell. If the weather is nice out, I’ll force myself to get out the house. I’ll go for a jog, hike, go to the park and read or spend time with loved ones. Anything to get out the house. Plus, just being in the sun and in nature helps improve my mood.
Hello beautiful people. I am officially done with PA school. I graduated this past weekend. I awoke this morning still in disbelief I am officially a Physician Associate. This 11 year journey has come to an end.
I started this journey in 2012. For the longest throughout undergrad I was conflicted between pursing MD vs PA and when I decided on PA postgrad I put my all in. I retook undergrad classes I didn’t do well in to improve my GPA. I began taking the prerequisite classes for PA school at a local community college. I worked jobs where I was over qualified and underpaid to gain the required healthcare hours. At one point I was working two jobs, a side hustle and taking classes. Back then there wasn’t much standardization amongst PA programs so each year it felt schools were adding new requirements.
I first applied to PA school in 2018. I received one interview invite, but sadly the interview was cancelled because the school did not receive accreditation. I applied again in 2019, not a single interview. I remember reaching out to a mentor for advice and was told I should focus on building my career in public health, to “go get a PhD” instead. Although this mentor was trying to help I hung up that phone call and cried.
When I applied to PA school in 2020 I felt it in my spirit I was going to get in. Shadowing hours ✔️ GPA requirement ✔️ Healthcare hours ✔️ Community service ✔️ Volunteer hours ✔️ Publications ✔️ Research experience ✔️
I kept faith and knew I had did the work. I prayed and knew at that point it was up to God. I applied to 12 schools, 5 schools invited me to interview, 2 schools I interviewed at. Both schools sent an acceptance letter, one school I accepted.
My grandfather use to say “if there’s a will there’s a way” or as I like to say “if a will you have, a way you will find.” As I reflect on how far I’ve come I hope as a reader you feel inspired. Follow your passion, chase your dreams. Strive to persevere and learn. Grow from your challenges and take those lessons with you throughout life. It’s hard for people to see your vision because it is not their vision to see. To my fellow prePAs I understand the journey can be daunting, but do not give up.
Next stop passing my certification exam followed by starting my full time position, but first vacation! Lol. Slide show pending.
What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?
My favorite holiday is New Year\’s Eve. Some people seem surprised when I tell them this which I suspect is because NYE is not one of the traditional family orientated holidays. Additionally, NYE is not recognized as a US holiday so technically is not a holiday. However, it does fall within the holiday season and is observed as a holiday in some US states.
I love NYE because my fondest memories of growing up include a large family gathering at my grandfather’s house. As you walked through the house you would hear laughter, see children running around, aunts and uncles sitting outside near the grill. It was one of the few holidays we barbecued, and I love barbeque. My grandfather lived on top of a secluded hill surrounded by ice plants, so we were able to shoot off fireworks without much concern for neighbors. Speaking of fireworks, we did not play when it came to our firework show and sometimes we traveled to Mexico to purchase fireworks that’s how serious it was for us.
I also love the concept of new year resolutions that surround NYE. Some might argue “you shouldn’t wait for a new year to start a goal…blah blah blah”, but I don’t view it that way. I believe people should start a goal when they feel ready and for some that readiness comes with the motivation of a new year. It’s as though the new year allows you to reinvent yourself, which I find freeing. You may have messed up all 360 days out of the year, but in the new year you get another chance to do better and I love that.
Lastly, as someone who loves dressing up and making a statement when I do, I appreciate the loud outfits and decorations that come with NYE. I love the parties, fireworks, loud noises, and the excitement that fills the air. NYE is a celebratory holiday and I welcome all the celebration!
In recent years there has been talk of the Chinese government using TikTok to spy on American citizens. When I first learned of this it further justified my reason to not partake in the social media platform. However, as more information is being released and with the recent congressional hearing between the CEO of TikTok, Shou Zi Chew, and US congress March 23, 20231 I have become less convinced this is an issue of protecting the youth and national security. During Chews opening statement he expresses how TikTok is owned by ByteDance, a private company. He expresses 60% of the company is owned by global investors, 20% owned by global employees, and 20% owned by the founder. Additionally, 3 out of the 5 board members are Americans. Interestingly, as I continued to watch clips of the hearing it became apparent that members of congress had preconceived notions of the use of TikTok and frankly it was cringing to watch congress make extreme accusations.
What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?
My middle name is Ann which means grace. I was named after my maternal grandmother who died before I was born. I am my mother’s second child and according to my mother she initially wanted to name my older sister after my grandmother, but was persuaded otherwise. My sister’s name is unique, and I love that for her, but I am happy I got to be the one named after my grandmother. She had a tragic death and, in some way, having her name makes me feel as though I get to celebrate her in life. She accomplished quite a bit in her 33-years of life, including being the only African-American woman in her graduating nursing class and raising three beautiful children. I don’t know a lot about my grandmother or that side of the family because my mom lost contact after my grandfather remarried, but I cherish the stories that have been shared with me.
As I laid in bed I thought of my day. I was excited today was going to be a beautiful sunny day. My phone read 8:20am. I looked at the weather forecast which read “high of 65 degrees”. Not to hot not to cool, just the perfect temperature. The sun does something to my spirit, it ignites my soul. I figured I’d hit up a local park, lay out and study. I told myself “today will be a productive day”. Yet, I found myself struggling to get out of bed. One hour turned into three and than four. In and out of sleep I found myself drifting. “Did I take my medicine” I woke up from a slumber or was that just a dream. I looked at my phone, 12:10pm it read. Instant panic overcame me as I thought of being behind in my studies. I immediately got up out of bed.
I began my morning self-care routine, made breakfast, ate, washed the dishes and thought to myself “job well done”. Surely, I deserve a nap. “I’m just going to lay down for a bit” I lied to myself. Back into a slumber I fell. I’m not proud of it, but I spent my day off in and out of bed. I studied max about four hours, if that.
With three months left of PA school I find myself struggling to stay motivated. As I experience more days like this, I’m not sure if I’m depressed or just burnt out. I did feel quite sad today. I think it’s a combination of, once again, being in a foreign town with a population of less than 3,000 and the persistent lack of autonomy over my life. At times I feel like I’m suffocating in PA school. As I write this, just thinking about it I feel like I can’t breathe. I so desperately miss having freedom to do as I chose.
You hear of the rigorous course load and sleepless nights, but no one talks about the loss of freedom. How your months are planned out—class, clinicals, exams, research day, skills, guest lecture, etc., etc., etc. For some this is just the natural course of graduate school. For others, such as myself, this structure brings a sense of entrapment. I so desperately miss living a life of going and coming as I chose. Booking a flight and taking a trip when I wanted. Taking days off from work as needed. There is not PTO time in PA school, we don’t get days off while on clinical rotations. As I write this I wonder, “is this what life is like as a mother”. Never being able to do what you chose. Is this a selfish thought of me to have? Questions that I don’t have the answers to. I just know I hate feeling confined in any aspect of my life, it brings me much anxiety. A sense of impending doom they call it.
It doesn’t help being in these small towns that very much so trigger a feeling of loneliness. Not seeing people that look like me feels isolating, being away from my support system. Yet, I can’t do anything about it. One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou
“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude”
I love this quote because it encompasses my life. I’m a believer in changing my environment if I’m unhappy. This is the reason I never stayed at jobs that made me miserable, spent years and years in unhappy relationships, living situations, etc. My mom once told me “I admire that about you Julia, you’re never afraid to leave.” She’s right. Don\’t get me wrong, I have had a job I had to stay at longer than I would have liked or been in that toxic relationship I should have left months ago, but my no means are these the rule. They very much so are the exception. It\’s a blessing and a curse. This is precisely why I decided on the PA profession because it provides you with the freedom to work in any specialty, in any state and even in other countries. Ironically, to bask in this freedom you must give up your freedom for a couple of years while in PA school.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post. I just needed to get my thoughts out. Since I can’t change my environment I guess I need to work on changing my attitude.
Today was not a productive day, but tomorrow will be better.
A photo from NYE two years ago to remind myself this journey is only temporary.
For the past two years, since moving out of state for PA school, I have been off and on online dating. Like many, I find it hard to meet men in real life especially with the demand of PA school so figured I give it a go. Two years later and I’m calling it quits lol. I’m not sure if it’s the apps I’m using, but I have noticed a pattern with the men I meet online and that being the utter lack of taking interest in getting to know me. Now some may argue, “this is hook up culture and he’s probably just interested in hooking up” and to that I would say, yes, I agree this could be a possibility. However, these are men that I make it clear from the jump I do not partake in hook up culture and date with intentions of finding my life partner. “He’s just not that interested”, this very well could also be a possibility. Interestingly, a couple of the men I tried to end things with expressed wanting to fight for it with the last man expressing “[he] didn’t want to give up on me”.
I recognize I tend to quickly end potential relationships if I notice BS behavior in early stages of the connection, so with both of these men I was open to giving it another chance. However, I was reminded why I don’t give multiple chances early on in the dating phase. That being, if there are issues that early on in the aka “honeymoon phase” than likely those issues are foreshadowing how the relationship will be. Additionally, somethings are just non-negotiable, such as inconsistency or the man just wanting to text. Men that express also wanting to date with intentions I’m finding only want to talk about themselves with apparent actions showing they are uninterested in getting to know me. I’ve also encountered the man that is giving “emotionally unavailable” and “avoidant attachment” or worse the man with narcissistic traits. I don’t want to become jaded, but it gets harder the longer I’m on online dating. I question, “are these behaviors a reflection of modern society or is this limited to the pool of men online”.
Today was one of those days where I was missing my grandpa. When you lose a loved one the grief never fully goes away, but as time passes some days are better than others. Today I was missing him very much and felt quite sad.
My grandfather was such a great person and touched the lives of many. Growing up I remember knowing I always had the support of my grandfather. Whether it was my 8th grade graduation, student of the month, spring choir, or teacher’s award my grandpa always, always made it. I remember looking into a crowd and seeing my grandpa even if no one else came he always managed to make it. I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my father given he was very inconsistent in his presence, but as I got other it didn’t bother me much because I viewed my grandfather as my father. He was the one person, no matter what the situation was, I could depend on.
When I moved to live with my grandparents I was behind in reading and math. Every day after school my grandfather would sit with me at the dining room table and patiently would go over my math homework with me. He bought additional math workbooks and taught me math. My grades significantly increased the following semester. I will never forget this. This is love.
My grandfather wasn’t afraid to use the word love. He always told me he loved me, he always told his loved ones he loved them and this showed through his actions. Whenever I would ride with him somewhere he often would tell me the struggle he went through to finish medical school as a Jamaican immigrant. Even though I heard the story many times, I would still act enthusiastic when hearing it because I knew he enjoyed telling it. He valued education because of his struggle. “First attend to your studies” he would say. I would have to be the one to tell him school is not more important than him. I will always love my grandpa because of the unconditional love he showed me. I am thankful for the values he instilled in me, integrity, dependability, humility, perseverance, and love. He will always be special to me and although he is no longer with me in life, I will forever cherish the memories he has left me. I love you always and forever grandpa!❤️❤️🕊️ RIH
Hello 2023! What a time to be alive. This year is a big year for me given I will be graduating PA school. I’m still in aww when I think about it because it has been quite the long journey. While cleaning out my wallet I stumbled across this list I made in 2020 of my goals. For the longest I had this list tapped on my refrigerator so I could see it every day and be reminded of the progress I was making. It was a way to hold myself accountable. It’s crazy to think there was a time where I so badly wanted to get into PA school, and I did! Similarly, I remember the financial burden of a monthly car payment and having the goal of quickly paying it off. I am proud of myself for staying consistent in achieving these goals and with the new year it only makes sense to make new goal list. I’m still working on my list, but figure I share them here because this will force me to see them regularly to stay motivated. Some of my goals for the next 5 years include:
Paying of my braces by the end of 2023
Get straight As Spring Semester 2023
Graduate PA school with GPA ≥ 3.5
Graduate PA school and pass the PANCE!!!
Securing employment 3 months post grad
Apply for loan repayment
Starting my weight gain journey—My goal is to gain 15lbs
Purchase a condo/tiny home by end of 2024
Learn how to play an instrument
Being more intentional with dating/finding my person
Start developing business idea in 2024—Still not sure which idea I would like to explore, but I do want to start tapping into developing residual income
Start vlogging by 2024—As much as I love writing, I would also love to tap into vlogging as a different way of expressing myself and sharing my thoughts.
Anyway, I hope all are doing well. What are some of your goals for the new year? I challenge you to write down your goals. Whether they be for 2023, 5-year, 10-year, etc. Write them down so you can stay encouraged!
Rupi Kaur is an Indian-born Canadian poet who captured much attention with her first book titled “Milk and Honey” which was released November 2014. I remember friends mentioning the book to me, but I sadly did not have much time for leisure reading at the time. Anyway, fast forward three years later and lo and behold while frivolously scrolling through kindle on a beautify fall day I stumble across Rupi’s recent release titled “The Sun and Her Flowers”. The book was featured in the free download section, so I decided to give it a read. The Sun and Here Flowers is about Rupi’s journey and growth in finding love within herself. Her journey is divided into 5 chapters titled: wilting, falling, rooting, rising and blooming.
If you had asked me five years ago if abortion rights would eventually become unconstitutional, I would have answered with a strong “No”. I attended the Woman’s March on Washington six years ago and although the overall premises of the march was to advocate for policies ensuring women’s rights remained, the thought of women losing access to abortion still seemed unimaginable. Yet, six years later here we are.
When I first heard the SCOTUS had overturned Roe vs Wade, I felt a sense of hopelessness. This later turned into sadness and then anger. “How dare someone else feel they have the right to tell ME or any other woman what she must do with HER body” “Who do these WHITE men think they are.” As I sat on my bed processing my emotions I wondered if my grandmother, and the many women before her, felt similar emotions living during a pre-Roe era. A feeling of being seen, but not heard. A feeling of knowing you do not have autonomy over your body. Deciding whether or not to risk your life and birth a child was not your choice, but the choice of others and this feels me with much sadness, but above all disappointment.
Hello beautiful people! I’m semi-back from under the rock I’ve been hiding and it feels good to be back in the world lol. This past week I officially finished my didactic year of PA school!!! As I write this blogpost, I have a huge grin across my face. It feels me with such joy to know I am officially done and will now be off to seeing patients. PA school, by far, has been one of the hardest things I have done in my life. The late nights, deprived sleep, imposter syndrome and constant stress, are a few of the challenges that come with this journey. However, despite the challenge I am thankful to be here because I worked so hard to get here. I remember nights praying for this, praying for an interview, an opportunity, an acceptance, and here I am. Thank you God!!!
For those on this journey do not give up. Keep faith and continue putting in the work, you will be rewarded. Okay enough of my soapbox lol.
Anyway I wanted to share a few of my memories. #survivingandthriving #blessed
This past weekend I went ziplining! It was somewhat spur of the moment. A friend mentioned they were going for their birthday, and I decided to tag along. I’m glad I did because I had a lot of fun and talk about a great way to start my summer vacation. I got to meet some cool people and see the beautiful view of the forest. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I am constantly worrying about the future or stressing over past mishaps. However, I am learning to live in the present moment. This experience reminded me of this. Anyway, I’m glad I got to cross something off my bucket list and can’t wait for my next adventure!
The Physician Assistant Higher Education Modernization Act of 2021 (HR 2274) was introduced to the House of Representatives on March 29, 2021, by California’s 37th district representative, Karen Bass. The bill aims to amend the Higher Education Act of 1965 to expand education opportunities for physician assistant students and physician assistants. Some advantages of HR 2274 include (1.) increasing Subsidized Stafford Loan (SSL) limits and loan forgiveness programs (2.) increasing grants awarded to historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs) and Hispanic programs (3.) increasing enrollment of minorities and students from rural areas in PA programs and postbaccalaureate PA programs.
Over the years the cost of higher education has increased while salaries have remained stagnant. Millions of Americans have student debt and the number continues to rise with minorities and women being disproportionally affected1. Tuition for PA programs continue to increase with tuitions ranging between $30,000 to over 120,000. Many PA students fund their education with student loans, specifically federal aid. Currently graduate students can apply for the Unsubsidized Stafford Loan (USL) which caps at $65,0002 which is less than what most PA programs cost. If a student needs additional aid, they can apply for the GradPlus Loan which is a federal loan that requires a passed credit check. To my knowledge this is a common route students take, but for students who do not qualify private loans are the next option. Thus, increasing the SSL limits would allow students to receive loans with no or lower interest rates and forgo high interest rates that come with private loans. Furthermore, expansion of loan forgiveness programs will grant more students the ability to take advantage of these programs and minimize their education debt.
Braids, curls, straight why are you all in my space All in my space when you haven’t even asked me my name All in my space, I pull away confusion clouds your face Curiosity you claim, I see Given my 3C texture isn’t seen often in mainstream Objectification of our bodies throughout history Beginning with the enslavement of my African ancestries Are what fuels your entitlement mentality “it’s just hair” you utter disregarding my request But permission you were not granted Now I am asking you politely Next time I might not take your action so lightly And you can save all that “angry black woman” bullshit perpetuated by society Please DON’T touch my hair!
I made this list over 8 years when my views of relationships and marriage were quite different. My views since have changed and are constantly changing, but these songs will be dedicated to my husband and a must at my wedding!💕✨
I have never really been the type of person who takes pleasure in dating multiple men simultaneously. I learned at an early age I was never good at it and frankly found it exhausting. It’s hard enough keeping up with the demands of one man let alone two, three or more lol. Plus, I would start to feel guilty knowing I was leading someone on. However, I learned early on not everyone viewed dating like this and witnessed the outcomes of unfaithfulness my loved ones experienced. To avoid similar experiences I ensured to date men who like myself believed in commitment and monogamy. Sadly, I later found myself falling into a statistic that our society has morphed into normality, cheating, and was cheated on. Going though that experience taught me a lot. Okay, okay yes, I could have done without the heartache, but I am thankful for my growth. The experience of being cheated on has taught me a few things which I would like to share.
Last week was my 30th birthday and prior to my birthday I was filled with a mix of emotions. The day before my birthday ended with me sending out a mass text to my closes friends that read :
PSA please refrain from all #dirty30, #30 or anything else that’s not #twentyFine if I post anything on social medial tomorrow. I’m not ready to accept the fact I’ll be 30 (sad face emoji) so please don’t mention it to the world. Thank you (smiley face emoji).
Talk about struggling with accepting the fact. Anyway, a week later and I’m doing much better 🙂 30 isn’t so bad after all lol. No, but for real I am ready for the blessings my 30s will bring as well as the challenges. I went though a lot in my 20s, from losing my grandfather, watching my mother become homeless after losing her house, struggling financially, to having a health scare. But with all the challenges I faced in my 20s, I had many blessings, such as graduating from undergrad. I remember it like yesterday, checking my final grade to the one summer class I was taking, Spanish. I didn’t think I was going to pass. When I saw that passing grade, I stared crying. I remember I called my mom to tell her and was crying on the phone lol. In my 20s I graduated from graduate school, developed a spiritual relationship with Christ, witnessed the birth of my niece, moved to a new state, bought my first “non-bucket” car, and traveled out of the country. My 20s were truly a period of growth and I feel I am equipped to take on the challenges my 30s will bring, but above all I am ready to embrace all the blessings! But before closing this chapter, here are a few things I would tell my 20 something self as I reflect.
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. Sally: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail ’em too. Sally: What if they don’t want to have sex with you? Harry: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. Sally: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then. Harry: Guess not.
If you don’t know where the above dialect comes from I suggest you get your life. No seriously, stop reading and get your life lol. Okay, I’ll give you a pass this time, but you get the side eye. The dialect is from the movie When Harry Met Sally one of my favorites❤ and an absolute romantic comedy classic.
Anyway, Harry had an interesting. If we remove religion from the discussion, to keep it neutral for argument purposes, and take on a science perspective he makes some interesting points.
He said he loves the way I taste I arch my back and whisper “ I know” His lips kiss my hidden lips Ripples travel down my spine One vertebra at a time A familiar love of summer nights Buried between my thighs Brown butter glazed in coconut oil with a hint of lavender Is that what he’s tasting? How long can I endure this pleasure Pure euphoria, I sense my body\’s loss of control Butterflies dance gracefully to the sound of my soul I ask them to please never abandon me❤️
I have never been a person to believe in soulmates. To be frank, I find the idea of “the one” to be very limiting. You mean to tell me there is only ONE person that’s THE person? The concept eliminates the luxury of options, instead leaving you with one option –ONE soulmate. Talk about stressful! Plus, a sista has always been a bit cynical regarding soulmates because I have experienced men thinking I was “the one” and none of those relationships worked out.
It’s as if believing you should have this euphoric undeniable bond with a person could be self-destructive when the relationship encounters problems.
However, I recently had a conversation with a friend who I shall call Matt. Matt had a pretty different view on what a soulmate was. His outlook was this:
Your soulmate is the person you choose to fight for, regardless of the tough times the relationship encounters, opposed to giving up. In contrast, non soulmates give up on the relationship. Even if at some point non soulmates did fight for their relationship, the end result would be them calling it quits. Hence, indicating they weren’t soulmates.
